Voice Memos

I’ve been thinking about how leading with what people call my masculine energy may have kept me single, but it also kept me safe. And that’s the truth I’m no longer ashamed to admit.

Now, when I was leading with logic, structure, discipline, and self-control, I avoided a lot of dangerous situations. I stayed inside, I work, I goal set, I built. You see, that’s where I felt protected.

And then there’s a version of me that got me in trouble. See, it wasn’t my femininity, it was my wounded femininity girl. Yes, there’s a difference. See, she showed up when I was craving companionship, when I wanted to feel chosen, when I wanted to be loved. And she will override logic in the name of connection.

Look, because I trained my brain to survive, my structured discipline side became my shield. It may have looked hard, it may have looked guarded, but girl, when I say it was intelligent, it was protective. You know, it’s that energy many consider, oh, you’re so strong, you’re so resilient. Hmm, that come out of survival programming.

Now, society throws around masculine and feminine like their fixed boxes, but we all carry both. The real maturity is knowing which energy need to lead in a moment. And sometimes softness is appropriate. And sometimes strategy baby, when I tell you it is necessary, okay?

And I recently did a video where I said, it’s not that black women are too masculine. It’s that we tend to lead with empathy first, compassion, all the things over observation, evaluation, pure logic, right? Strategy, peer strategy, right? And I believe it’s a healthy amount of that that’s necessary when it comes to partner selection.

Because when I took my eyes off of my strategy and I started to allow other people views and opinions to control how I saw life, how I saw relationships, rather, I said, okay, well I, I’m a woman. Of course I have femininity. I mean, that’s a part of the package deal. But I didn’t understand at the time that I was wounded. She was wounded, right?

So when I stepped into my femininity, when I changed the clothes, when I softened the voice and I started to welcome much stronger alpha energy girl, I went to the worst of the worst. And that is not where we wanna land. Okay?

Now, balance is awareness. It’s not performative. It’s not pretending to be soft. It’s not suppressing logic to seem more desirable. It’s understanding yourself deeply enough to know what’s driving you.

My masculine traits didn’t make me unlovable. My unhealed desires made me vulnerable. And I have another blog post that’s going to be coming up soon that speaks on our unhealed desires, which the Bible refers it as sinful desires and all the things, the idols that we put on our heart that started to move us, how it puts us in vulnerable situations to be, you know, captured by predators, right?

So yes, there’s a difference. And I’m not trying to ease, you know, either side of myself. Now I’m learning integration, protection without isolation, softness, without self abandonment, desire, without desperation. See, that’s the evolution, and that’s what we all should be aiming for in our becoming.

Until next time, ladies.

Hey everyone, this is Blaq Butterfly over at The Circle of Becoming.

I wanted to come on and introduce a new extension to the blog called Voice Memos with Blaq Butterfly. This is basically unfiltered reflection — before the edit. Thoughts before they turn into full posts… and sometimes they may never become a blog at all. Just something I feel led to share in the moment.

If you subscribe to this segment, you’ll get an email whenever a new voice memo goes up. And the best part — my favorite part — you can send a voice memo too.

Just record it on your phone (the app is available on both Apple and Android… and from what I hear Android might even be better — I’m a little jealous). Then download the file and send it to thecircleofbecoming@gmail.com.

Honestly, this might be the easiest form of content for me to create because my mind is always processing ideas — especially in the shower. That’s where most of my revelations come.

It reminds me of Rev Run from Run’s House. He used to end episodes writing profound messages on his BlackBerry, and I almost convinced myself to get a waterproof case and record thoughts right there on the shower wall whenever inspiration hit. But no — I’m going to enjoy my quiet time. The voice memos will do just fine for sharing those moments.

I won’t hold you long. I just wanted to introduce the new feature we’re bringing to the site. I’m looking forward to it, and I hope you find value in it too.

Thank you so much for listening — I’ll talk to you soon.