The Circle of Becoming: Self-Discovery •Becoming • Purpose

“Divorcing the government” isn’t about politics or pride — it’s about autonomy. It’s the decision to stop letting systems dictate what you’re capable of, what you deserve, or how far you’re allowed to dream. Support can sustain you, but it should never define you.

The truth is, I was terrified of becoming a mom.

Not because I doubted my ability to love or care for a child — but because I knew what single motherhood could look like. I grew up watching women stretch themselves thin, trying to make something out of nothing. I saw how easily survival can become a state, and I promised myself I would never bring a child into that kind of struggle.

But fear doesn’t stop reality.

When my biggest fear became my lived experience, I didn’t get the luxury of denial. I didn’t get a fairy tale — I got a storm, and a baby in my arms who needed me more than I needed to mourn the life I imagined. That’s when Momma Bear showed up. Fully activated. Focused. Fierce.

Survival meant I had to explore every option. I looked into government assistance programs — WIC, SNAP, Section 8, TANF — not because I wanted dependency, but because responsibility demanded discernment. And that’s when the illusion cracked.

I realized it takes just as much time, documentation, and effort to secure government assistance as it does to apply for a job, build a skill, or start a small business.

That was my lightbulb moment.

If I’m going to do the work, I’m going to work toward freedom — not just survival.

And that’s what “divorcing the government” truly means to me.

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The Cost of Government Support

Let’s be real. Government aid has helped millions of families in transition. But if we’re not careful, it becomes more of a trap than a bridge.

Here’s the hard part:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 60% of single Black mothers live below the poverty line, and a large portion rely on government assistance to make ends meet. But that same assistance often penalizes us for earning more. Make a little too much money? You lose your housing voucher. Work some overtime? Your food stamps get slashed.

It teaches us to play small.

It teaches us to survive, not to thrive.

And I don’t want that for myself—or for you.

Step One: Face Your Finances Without Shame

We can’t heal what we won’t name.

If your finances are a mess right now, say that. Not to sit in guilt, but so you can begin to shift into power. Start with a simple budget—nothing complicated. You just need to know:

–What’s coming in (income, benefits, child support if any)

–What’s going out (rent, food, daycare, diapers, etc.)

–What’s left (and how much of it you can save or flip)

A basic tool like a Google Sheet or an app like EveryDollar or YNAB (You Need a Budget) can help, but even a notebook will do. Write it down. Track every dollar. Make your money known—because what you track, you can transform.

Step Two: Build a “Break-Free” Fund

Your “Break-Free Fund” isn’t just savings—it’s a path out. Out of survival mode. Out of waiting for someone else to provide. Even $10 a week is something.

If you receive government assistance now, I want you to reframe it:

It’s not your destination—it’s a stepping stone.

Use that grocery money to free up income for diapers, bills, or building your hustle. Use that childcare voucher to work your plan in peace.

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Step Three: Side Hustle Like a Strategist + Educate Yourself on Financial Literacy

Let’s be honest—many of us weren’t taught how to handle money.

We didn’t grow up hearing about interest rates, investments, or passive income. We were taught to work hard, not necessarily how to make money work for us.

But you can change that narrative right now, starting from where you are.

This isn’t about becoming a financial guru overnight—it’s about building awareness and confidence, one concept at a time.

Here are a few simple ways to start learning:

• Follow Black women in finance like @CleverGirlFinance, @MyFabFinance, or @Budgetnista for daily gems and beginner-friendly breakdowns.
• Read or listen to books like “Get Good with Money” by Tiffany Aliche or “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki.
• Look up one financial term per week—compound interest, credit utilization, emergency fund—just get curious.
• Check out YouTube channels on budgeting, side hustles, and investing for beginners.

This knowledge will give you the courage to make smarter money moves. The more you know, the more powerful you feel.

And as you learn, apply what makes sense for your season:

If you’re working with $500 a month, that knowledge still matters. Because financial literacy is not about how much you have—it’s about what you do with what you have.

And when it’s time to stack your income, here are a few side hustle ideas you can start today with low overhead:

• Freelance Services (writing, editing, virtual assisting, social media management)
• Selling Digital Products (planners, affirmation cards, budget trackers)
• Reselling (lightly used baby clothes, toys, or home goods on Poshmark or Facebook Marketplace)
• Childcare or Tutoring (flexible, community-based income)
• Delivery Services (Uber Eats, DoorDash, Instacart during downtime)

Final Word: This Isn’t Just About Money

“Divorcing the government” isn’t about shame. It’s about liberation.

It’s about reclaiming your choices. Your future. Your dignity.

If the system can offer temporary relief, take what you need—but don’t let it make you forget your power.

I didn’t feel ready.

I didn’t want to struggle.

And yet, here I am—stronger than I’ve ever been.

Not because I had a perfect plan.

But because I refused to let the plan end with survival.

Take Steps for Today:

Create a basic budget (income vs. expenses). Start a “Break-Free” fund—even with $5. Write down 2-3 side hustle ideas that match your skills or interests.

Say this out loud:

“I am not bound by systems. I am building something better—for me and my child.”

Let’s keep healing, keep building, and keep believing in our own ability to rise—no matter where we start. 💛

You’re not alone in this, mama.