Trauma Bonds & Cord Cutting: Releasing What Was Never Meant to Hold You

There are some connections that feel unshakable. They grip you so tight, you start to confuse the hold with love. But sometimes what we call love is really pain recognizing pain—two wounded inner children locking onto each other, trying to find in adulthood what was missing in childhood.

That’s a trauma bond.

And if you’ve ever found yourself tied to someone in a way that drains you, confuses you, or makes you feel like you can’t leave even when you want to—you may have experienced it too.

What Is a Trauma Bond?

At its core, a trauma bond is a strong emotional tie formed out of cycles of harm, shame, and unmet needs. It’s what happens when your inner child, still longing for comfort and safety, meets someone whose wounds mirror your own.

It doesn’t feel toxic right away. In fact, it often feels like belonging. Like someone finally sees you. But what’s actually happening is that both of you are trying to re-create a story from childhood—with the hope of rewriting it this time.

Signs of a trauma bond include:

Feeling guilty for wanting to leave. Confusing fear or control with passion. Believing you’re responsible for their healing. Going back even after you’ve been hurt.

It’s not weakness—it’s a survival pattern. And like all survival patterns, it can be unlearned.

The Spiritual Side of Trauma Bonds

Trauma bonds don’t just sit in the mind; they live in the soul. They feel like cords—ties between you and the other person, woven out of shame, secrecy, and longing.

Sometimes you feel it in your body—through dreams, sudden memories, or even tears that come out of nowhere. Sometimes, it shows up when you realize your choices weren’t about freedom, but about replaying old wounds.

Love connections give life. Trauma cords drain it.

That’s how you know the difference.

Breaking the Bond: Cord Cutting

Cord cutting isn’t about hate. It’s not about pretending the person never mattered. It’s about release. It’s about saying: “What connected us through pain no longer has power over me.”

When I finally faced this truth, I could feel both my inner child and his inner child tied up together. And in prayer, I said something I never expected: “I love him, but I release him.”

Tears fell. And then—something sacred happened. My son, Jamel, who was right beside me, shouted “Yay!” He didn’t know the depth of what just broke, but his spirit felt it. That joy was confirmation: the cycle was ending.

If you’re ready to release too, here’s a simple practice:

1. Acknowledge the bond. Say, “This was a trauma bond, not love.”

2. Speak release. Say, “I release his inner child back to him, and I reclaim mine back to me.”

3. Seal with prayer or affirmation. Remind yourself: “I am no longer bound. I am free.”

4. Celebrate. Clap, cry, dance—whatever makes your spirit feel lighter.

Healing for the Next Generation

When trauma bonds break, it’s not just about you. Your children feel it too. Jamel’s “yay” reminded me that when I heal, he gains freedom he didn’t even know he needed. He will grow up in a different atmosphere—one where silence doesn’t swallow truth, and shame doesn’t chain love.

That’s how generational cycles end.

Affirmations for Release

I am not in trouble for speaking my truth.
I release what was never mine to carry.
Love does not bind me in shame; love sets me free.
I honor the wounded child in me, and I give her peace.

A Closing Prayer

Lord, I thank You for the strength to see what was hidden and to release what was never mine to hold. I release every trauma bond and cut every cord tied to pain, confusion, and shame. I bless those connected to me, but I reclaim my soul, my voice, and my freedom.

Cover my child, and let him inherit joy, not chains. Let my healing become his shield. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

🫶🏽Sis, breaking a trauma bond isn’t about forgetting your story. It’s about reclaiming it. Cord cutting doesn’t erase the past—it frees you to step into a future that isn’t written by wounds, but by wisdom.