Faith Isn’t the Issue—Alignment Is
As I scroll through TikTok, I notice something that’s both powerful and unsettling.
So many women openly give God the honor for protecting them, providing for them, and carrying them through their darkest seasons—and I believe them. God did do that.
Yet many of those same women are still attached to men who are misaligned, unhealthy, or outright ungodly.
I know this not from judgment, but from experience.
I was once in that season too.
This reflection is part of the ongoing work inside The Circle of Becoming—where faith, healing, and discernment are explored honestly, without shame.
When Praise and Patterns Don’t Match
Recently, I came across a TikTok video where a woman shared how keeping the faith carried her through her darkest season. She spoke about perseverance, loss, and trusting God. Somewhere in her testimony, she casually mentioned that her significant other had been incarcerated during that time.
The comment section filled with praise—women thanking God alongside her, affirming her strength, and celebrating her faithfulness.
I paused and asked one simple question:
Are you still with the man who was in jail?
Her response was brief:
“Yes lol.”
I quietly exited the comment section.
Not out of judgment—but out of recognition. I understood exactly what season she was in.
The Season of Wanting to Be Chosen
That season is familiar to many women.
It’s the season where you’re growing, praying, and still faithful—yet quietly driven by the desire to be chosen. Where being chosen by a man feels like it will finally bring the peace, security, or validation you’ve been praying for.
Even when God has already been providing.
Even when God has already been protecting.
Even when God has already pulled you aside for reflection.
In this season, familiarity can feel like safety.
Attention can feel like alignment.
And endurance can be mistaken for purpose.
How Unhealed Desire Knocks Us Off Path
For me, this season looked like reflection followed by retreat.
I would gain clarity, feel grounded, and reconnect with God—
then double back.
I chose men who were not aligned with my spiritual growth. Men who disrupted my peace and redirected my focus. Men who introduced hardship I didn’t need to endure and heartbreak I didn’t need to experience.
Each time, it knocked me off the path God was patiently guiding me along.
Not because God wasn’t present—but because my discernment was compromised by unmet needs.
What the Bible Says About This Season — and What Psychology Confirms
Scripture doesn’t avoid uncomfortable truths, especially when those truths are meant to protect rather than shame.
In 2 Timothy 3:6 (KJV), Paul speaks to a very specific kind of vulnerability:
“For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts.”
This verse is often misunderstood. It isn’t an insult toward women, nor a commentary on intelligence. It is a warning about emotional susceptibility.
“Laden with sins” points to unresolved guilt, shame, or inner conflict.
“Divers lusts” speaks to unhealed longing—the desire to be chosen, protected, validated, or emotionally secured.
Psychology confirms what scripture cautioned centuries ago:
When emotional needs go unmet, discernment weakens.
This isn’t weakness.
It’s biology.
The nervous system seeks relief.
The mind seeks familiarity.
The heart seeks regulation.
Captivity Isn’t Always a Cage—Sometimes It’s a Cycle
The scripture doesn’t describe captivity through force.
It says led captive.
That distinction matters.
Unhealed desire makes people easier to manipulate.
Lack of discernment + unmet needs = captivity.
Not captivity by chains—but by cycles.
Cycles of returning to what feels familiar.
Cycles of spiritualizing endurance.
Cycles of believing struggle is proof of purpose.
If you’ve ever found yourself checking yourself before you check out emotionally, this verse lands differently. It stops feeling like judgment and starts sounding like instruction.
From Shame to Self-Awareness
This season is not about condemnation—it’s about development.
God is not exposing vulnerability to embarrass you.
He’s revealing it to protect you from repeating what no longer serves your becoming.
Healing begins when desire is examined instead of obeyed.
Psychology calls this self-awareness.
Scripture calls it wisdom.
Both point to the same truth.
Where Healing Actually Begins
Healing doesn’t begin with choosing better partners.
It begins with understanding why certain choices once felt necessary.
When desire is healed:
Discernment strengthens
Boundaries feel safer
Peace becomes familiar
Chaos loses its pull
This isn’t about becoming guarded.
It’s about becoming clear.
A Helpful Resource for This Season
As I’ve done my own healing work, I’ve learned that faith and psychology don’t compete—they complement each other.
Prayer helped me survive.
Understanding helped me change.
One resource that has been helpful in this season is Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist who offers free educational videos on attachment styles, emotional regulation, and relational patterns.
Her work helped me put language to experiences I once only felt—why certain relationships were hard to leave, why peace felt unfamiliar at first, and why desire sometimes overpowered discernment.
These insights don’t replace faith.
They support clarity.
Below I’ve shared a curated playlist of her most relevant videos, along with short summaries, for those who want to explore this healing work more intentionally.
Attachment Styles — Why We Are Drawn to Certain People
This video explains how our early experiences shape our attachment patterns (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized) and why we may be unconsciously drawn back into familiar relational cycles — even if they aren’t good for us.
Understanding Emotional Regulation — Why Feelings Overwhelm Us
Healing desire isn’t just a spiritual exercise — it’s deeply tied to how the brain processes emotion. This video outlines how emotions activate in your nervous system, sometimes without conscious awareness, and why regulating them matters for healthier decision-making.
Attachment and Relationship Patterns — How Insecurity Affects Us
Here, Dr. Marks walks through how insecure attachment styles show up in relationships — especially in patterns where anxiety about abandonment or fear of closeness can pull you into cycles of wanting what doesn’t sustain real peace.
Closing Reflection
Sometimes God delivers us from situations.
Other times, He delivers us from the desire that kept us attached.
That kind of deliverance doesn’t come through shame—but through awareness, compassion, and courage.
And that is the work of becoming whole.
Final note
If this reflection resonated with you, Becoming the Woman You Envision was created for women navigating this exact season—where faith is present, but alignment is still forming.
Healing begins with awareness.
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